the little things in life and what change does to them.

I’ve always been the sort of person that needs the newest, greatest things. Growing up an only child in a family where I had 3 mothers (my mum, my nana and my auntie) I almost always got everything I wanted. I assumed we were in a position that I could ask for anything, recently I discovered this wasn’t the case, I never realized how much my mother and my family have given up and gone without just to make me smile, just so i get my dreams. I texted my mum today, this was the text – ‘I have a little treat for you, for always being the best mum I could ask for and working hard all day long, go to Charlton jewelers and pick out a bead for your Pandora bracelet, theres a free one set up and ready for you on the account, you just need to pick it out’ - my mum called me later that evening, she said (along the lines of), thank you so much, you made my day. And with that, she made my day.

The little things in life. Those five words together really get me thinking; in reference to everything in life, these are the most important. Break ups hurt, but when you’re sitting there, alone in your bedroom, half a bottle of cheap red down, secondhand serenade on repeat and the holder of your broken hearts facebook page up on refresh; what are the things you miss? - the little things. You miss the smallest things that you overlooked at the time, you regret not making the most of every second, assuming every dinner date would never be the last, assuming every stupid little fight in the car over a misread road sign would be covered up by the next one where you joke about the last. You rip yourself up over the smallest thing you didn’t take into account at the time. Gushing aside, these little things are part of every kind of relationship or experience, broken friendships send you into a reminisce when hearing a certain song or seeing a certain inside joke walk by or occur.

Today I saw a side of an old life I used to lead; I saw it empty and cold and I remembered why I left. I took a good hard look at myself and I remembered what a friend told me earlier – “you cant change who you are if you’re unhappy, that wont change the fact that you’re not happy; you can only change your situation” - she is so right. Change is such a wide word to me. Yes, I have changed, im still me, but my situation has changed, that’s what makes us different now. Yes, I wont ever stop missing those little things. But I cannot wish them back to life by staring at them and chopping off limbs to try fit back into them.

At the end of it all, don’t ever stop yourself living, don’t be on rewind more than you’re on play. The little things are the most beautiful and from this day, im going to try notice them more. But, the little things that are gone, that’s what they are, gone, you had them and now you don’t and bluntly, it sucks, but maybe those little things wont end up your greatest regrets. Maybe your futures hardly begun and someone else, something else, is going to bring along a whole lot of new little things that you make sure you’ll never ever have to miss. Or maybe you'll get those little things back and this time, don't you blink.