I can be right here empty with you. but ill distract myself.

Considering its break up season and all. My own heart has me thinking about the distractions we use to think about anything but the jagged hole that the other half of you of - enter time period here- has left behind. Trusting someone is something everyone talks about "i have trust issues" etc, but more often than not we do it without realizing how much we have invested in someone, from the word go, each hour that that you spend with someone, they are getting to know you more, you're investing more in them. As the weeks and weekends together stack up, talking about the future and next week, next month, planning special days, birthdays and holidays, you just do it so absent mindedly, assuming they will be there. What happens when they aren't?

Almost everyone has experienced that deep empty feeling where you feel sick at the idea of the person you loved, or still love, or even just like with anyone but you. But it is inevitable that we all must move on and like and love again, the kind of love that lingers over months and years, unbreakable to even the most determine hearts; its not a common off the shelf product. Every person you share your life with is a new experience and a new lesson. Break ups feel more like funerals, going through the stages of numbness, anger, unbearable sadness, regret, and ultimately acceptance; through all of this it’s a constant battle to remain distracted, study and work and life in general all become too much. Unless you can consume yourself in anything that puts a pause on those stages, so you can stop yourself hurting a little longer, they will catch you.

Alcohol, drugs, any form of mind numbing substance – these are a cheaters short cut to dealing. Going out and waking up in someone else’s bed – sure you felt real good last night but you’re gonna feel worst the rest of the week and pay for your actions in the harsh words your friends wont tell you because they know you’re just trying to cope, but everyone else will. Secrets come out in break ups, all the things people hid from you surface because they can tell you now that your ex other half is no longer your date to social events.

People run riot post break up, get your hearts out cause im on a head first course to smash them all, all I want is for you to care for five minutes so I can feel better about myself. Subconsciously, regardless of everything we say about them, sometimes we turn into a crazy person running through the streets trying to get the one person you want to love you back again.

At the end of it all, love makes you crazy, and honestly, Id be a hypocrite to give advice, cause I wont follow it. Ill continue to run riot, leaving disaster behind me cause that’s how I love, and the day I face my fears will be a great day for the person who lights up my path through the darkness, cause mark my words, they will be the happiest person to walk this earth. Me aside, what I can say is, never apologize for the times your heart takes over your head. Never ever forget feeling something is what living is. Go ahead and distract yourself but soon enough those feelings, they’ll catch you.